xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
