Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
