I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
