Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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