Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
