Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
