party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
