mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
