is your mom at the bar?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
