just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He has the fingertips of a God
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