I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize