I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
