i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
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I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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