So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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