i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
