I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
