Well apparently he's into motor boating.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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