Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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