Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
