there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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