He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
