they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
