Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
