I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
