Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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