he thought i was a dude.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
