Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
