toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
