so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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