When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
