I bet he comes in French.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
