New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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