thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
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Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
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I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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