Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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