do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
