I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
