there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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