so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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