he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
