can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
