Your favorite bartender is back from prision
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
