I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize