none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
