Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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