My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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