Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
