oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
