he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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