Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
