Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
