I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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