I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize