i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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