just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
