I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
