i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
smell my finger.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
