i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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