I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
