The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
