I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
