4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
