Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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