No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
