He is like the real live version of the state fair..
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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