You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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