This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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