I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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