coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
